Lessons Learned

Today marks two weeks that I have been in the Philippines. This is my 11th trip back and I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to serve. I quickly noticed in this short amount of time that I was struggling with mixed emotions. So many of these thoughts and feelings were not based on truth. These lies were beginning to affect my outlook on being here. Questions began to arise, such as, "Am I capable of serving these people?" "Is God able to use me?" "Because my feelings don't match up with what I know is truth does that make it wrong for me to be here?" During this time I was also reading Andrew Murray's book, An Exciting New Life. It is filled with basic truths and doctrines of the Christian life. In the first chapter he wrote, "Be very much in dread of your own thoughts." How easy it is to focus on our circumstances rather than on Christ. He is the one who gives clarity, peace, self-worth, joy, love, confidence, and assurance. The book goes on to say, "Man's own distorted thoughts of the way to serve and to please God-namely, by what he does and is- are deeply rooted in him."

I had a break-through, just only two days ago, and believe it or not it wasn't while I was serving. Mondays are our "rest" days. Throughout the rest of the week we are visiting people, sharing the gospel, following up on discipleship, and whatever else God brings along our path. This past Monday I was just sitting outside. I had finished writing journal entries for my school work and it was there as I was doing nothing, I had a peace that surpassed all understanding. (Philippians 4:6-8) God loves me as I am, even just sitting. He doesn't love me anymore or any less, with the feelings I have or don't have, whether I'm in America or the Philippines, if I'm sharing the gospel, or simply just sitting. Trivial as that may seem, it was crucial for me.

                    The view from our backyard